she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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