It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
