I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize