sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
