Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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