goodnight i made you a song goodbye
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
where are my eyebrows?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize