So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
