Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
