I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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