i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
