her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
