the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
