were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
