JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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