So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
