I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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