I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
