My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
