talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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