i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Are my feet made of real feet?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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