That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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