So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize