first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
