I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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