Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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