life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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