She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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