At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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