So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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