I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
