We're like a lot better than the average bears
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
