Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
As shirtless as possible
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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