I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Randomize
