That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
