Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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