Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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