Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
