turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
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