I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
