My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize