Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
