Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
