Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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