I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
