Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize