Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
