Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
