Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
