We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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