God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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