really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
