Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize