Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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