just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
