The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I need moral support for this bender
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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