We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
