I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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