so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
