the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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