..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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