I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
