All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
