I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
