It's Friday. Sex?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
