its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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