dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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