I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
