life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
