there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
