the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
