I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
