I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
