12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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