yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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