even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
