Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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