yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
