bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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