the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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