If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
