I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
