i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
