I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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