There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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