Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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