We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
