is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Randomize