sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
