i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
