I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
