whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
