She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
