can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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