i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
