I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
