hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
